FUNNY DEER HUNTING STORIES - Why Hunters Carry Guns

DEER HUNTING THE DUMB WAY
FUNNY DEER HUNTING STORIES

I hear lots of funny deer hunting stories and deer hunting jokes. But the story that follows is the actual experience of a farming friend of mine told in a humorous but truthful manner. It's not often that deer hunters are willing to laugh at themselves much less give others an opportunity to have a laugh at their expense, so enjoy.

The Whitetail Deer had been eating my cow's feed for years and one day I came up with the bright idea that I was going to lay in wait, lasso one of the freeloading deer, stash in the barn, feed it corn for a while, then kill it and put the meat in the freezer. Didn't I deserve something for having fed them for nothing for all those years?

The first step in the process was to figure out how to bag a live deer. I wasn't about to mount a horse and ride cowboy style across the pasture trying to rope one. My thoughts were to lie in wait around the cattle feeder as they were used to seeing me around the barn and had lost their natural fear of me. I had even had them get impatient and come up to the tailgate of the truck to sniff around at the bags of feed with me not but a few feet away. So, I was thinking that I might be able to recreate this scenario, rope one and then bag its head so that it would calm down and then hog tie it ready for transporting to the barn.

So, moving on with the details of this funny deer hunting story, the morning after my initial idea, I filled the feeder and then hunkered down at the end of the trough with my lasso ready. The cows that had some experience with the rope kept well out of the way. They didn’t want any part of whatever was going on. Right on schedule my deer showed up for breakfast. There were several to pick from so I made my selection, stepped out from my hiding place, and cast the rope over the deer’s head.

With the loop of the rope around its neck it just stood stock still and stared at me. Feeling pretty successful I had the presence of mind to tie the rope around my waist and twist the end to insure a good hold. The deer continued to stare at me with mild curiosity and a touch of concern. Once the rope was secured on my end, I took a step in its direction and it took a step back away from me. It was when I decided to tighten the rope that I began developing subject matter for funny deer hunting stories with myself as the main character.

The first lesson that I learned is that, even though a lassoed deer will stand there giving you funny looks after you lasso it, they can kick into high gear fast when you start tightening the rope. Actually, that deer went into blastoff mode in record time. The second thing I learned is that a cow is no match for a deer in strength. I would have had no trouble wrestling a cow of a similar weight to the ground with dignity. With this deer, I didn’t have a prayer. That rascal started to run and buck with me twisting and pulling as hard as I knew how with no chance of controlling or getting close enough to knock it in the head to save myself.

Sometime after it jerked me slap off my feet and was dragging me across the pasture, it hit me that catching a deer with a lasso was not the best idea I’d ever had. The only positive at this point of the game was that I could see signs of his stamina beginning to diminish.

After about ten minutes of being drug I could see the deer was beginning to tire and I managed to get on my feet even though I was having trouble seeing because blood from a scratch on my forehead was running in my eyes and all but blinding me. At this point, my ambition to raise corn-fed deer to stock my freezer was put on the back burner. I just wanted to figure out how to get this four legged devil off the end of my rope. It also crossed my mind how my friends love to laugh at funny deer hunting stories and that this one would win a trophy should I live to tell the tale.

By this time there I had no affection whatsoever for this wild animal, in fact I hated the thing and he probably felt the same about me. But I still didn’t want to turn it loose with the lasso still around its neck because it would be cruel. In spite of the rapidly swelling knots on my head from where I had attempted to slow the deer’s momentum by bracing my head against large rocks as I was being dragged, I still had enough presence of mind to realize that I was partially responsible for the situation that the deer and I were in and I didn’t wish the deer to suffer unduly. I managed to maneuver the tired deer into a makeshift squeeze chute between my truck and the cattle feeder. After I got him in there I began to ease my way up so that I could disengage that end of the rope. At this point in our funny deer hunting story I learned that deer bite. I would have never dreamed that when I reached toward him to slip the loop over his head that he would grab my hand between his teeth and chomp down.

For those who have been bitten by their horse let me explain that while a horse will nip you and turn you loose; when a deer bites you they clamp down and shake like a pit bull and it hurts. In hindsight, I probably should have gotten real still and tried to draw back calmly and slowly. But in the panic of the moment I chose the ineffective method of screaming and trying to shake my hand loose.

After being bitten by what seemed like an eternity, while in reality it was probably little more than a few seconds, I being more intelligent than my foe (although you may doubt this fact by now) tricked it into turning my loose. What I did was to keep him occupied by gnawing the crap out of my right hand while I reached around and pulled the lasso loose with my left hand.

This was when I received my final lesson in “Deer Behavior 101” and opened the last chapter of this funny deer story for the day. I then learned that deer will rear up and paw at you with their front feet. They will raise right up on their hind legs and proceed to claw about your head, neck and shoulders with their amazingly sharp front hooves. Again using horses as a comparison, when a horse rears up to strike at you with their front hooves and you can’t get out of harm’s way, you should move aggressively towards him while making loud noises to make them back away and cease the attack and facilitate your escape. But as this was a deer and not a horse this method did not work so I employed a different strategy. I screamed like a girl and ran.

We all know that you should not turn and run from a bucking horse because there is an excellent chance you will get hit in the back of the head during your departure. This is the only instance where I found deer to be similar to horses. They are twice as strong and many times more evil but the instant that I tried to run from him he hit me dead square in the back of the head and knocked me flat.

After the deer had me on the ground and the noose from around his neck, you might think he would mosey off and go about his business, but mine did not feel the threat had been eliminated. What he did rather than to leave the area was to continue to paw my back and pounce on me while I was lying there squalling like a child and trying to protect my head.

What drew this sad yet funny deer story to a close was that I managed to crawl underneath my pickup and the deer gave up and went away. The lessons that I learned in deer behavior are that you should always bring a rifle with a properly sighted scope to that you will have a ghost of a chance against the deer.

Written by the webmaster of Funny Baby Onesies, Camo Deer Hunting Bedding and Nursery Themes which features articles on nursery decor and design, reviews of various articles of celebrity baby gear and the creation of unique one-of-a-kind nursery themes.

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